There are people that have learned to be dispassionate about selection on merit. There are other gradiants which let their decisons get affected by various emotions.
The end reality is, we have to live with our decisions. Others only come to be instrumental, and leave. Don’t get emotional about decision making but certainly use instincts, eductaion, training, experience and listen to what the head says.
We always know what is right and a guarantee. Then we go ahead and choose something totally out of it.
I agree this isnt going to be easy, so don’t be too hard on yourself.